Fuck My Job

I have worked at Staples for almost a year (July 16 will complete that year). I’m a student, so I was just looking for an easy way to make money so I could have some luxuries before I’m broke in college. Luckily, Staples hired me and the dream was fulfilled.

For a long time, I was a cashier, and that SUCKED. There was nothing to do because we’re only busy 25% of the time, during back to school season. I wasn’t allowed to read at my register because I was the forefront on loss prevention, I wasn’t allowed to do puzzles or crosswords to keep me active, and I wasn’t allowed to do my homework, or text on my phone. Well - what the fuck am I supposed to do?! There were nights where, in a five-hour shift, I only got maybe 20 customers. All of my coworkers were moving around, and had stuff to do and I. Was. Stuck. THAT SHIT SUCKS.

Then there’s cashiering in general. I have bitchy people coming up to the register wanting to know if, since we’re out of stock on a double pack of ink, can they purchase two for the same price of the double pack because it’s an inconvenience to them. No, you can’t, and guess what: I DON’T MAKE THE RULES. Go call corporate (not that they’ll EVER return your phone call) and complain about it to them, not a lowly cashier like me. No, we don’t take IOUs, put things on layaway, offer rain checks - come back when we have it or when you have more money. Don’t get into it with the cashier whose only job is to ring up your items and tell you to have a nice day. If it’s really bothering you, take it up with management, but please get your bitching away from my register, because you’re holding up the line.

“Okay, your total comes out to be 11.73.”
“WHAT. How much did those posterboards ring up as?”
“2.59, ma’am.”
“BACK ON THE SIGN IT SAYS 2.49.”
Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me. You’re going to make me call an office supply associate away from their work so you can save 10 cents? GET THE FUCK OUT. This seems ridiculous, but this shit happens ALL THE TIME. Then they get mad at me. “You know, you should really take care of that stuff, take the sign down.” Excuse you, this is pretty much my cell, right here. I can’t leave the front end, I can barely leave the register. You think I magically make the prices different because I want to annoy you? You think I’m the one who puts the signage up? Lady, I just work here.

REBATES. Rebates are sent from hell. For some reason Staples thinks that if people see a 1$ ream of paper, they’ll eat it right up and not even wonder why it’s that cheap. BITCH, IT’S CALLED A REBATE, IT SAYS IT ON THE SIGN, DON’T MAKE ME FUCKING REPEAT IT. It means you pay 5.49 now and if you send something through the mail or online, you’ll eventually get 4.49 back! What makes you think WE don’t know it’s stupid and that people hate them? You don’t think I hear that 2928481 times a day? Of course, the rest of the time is spent explaining it to dipshits like you. It says it on the fucking sign, not even in small print! LEARN TO READ. If you don’t want it because you’re too stupid to understand what the fuck it is, DON’T HUFF AND PUFF ABOUT IT. If you don’t want it, I’ll take it from you and put it up later. Don’t give it to me and then stay at my register BITCHING about it for the next five minutes. I know it’s a bad idea, I know it’s stupid, I know people hate them, I have heard it all before. GTFO.

STAPLES REWARDS is not a credit card. It is not a convenience card either. Guess what? It’s a rewards card, and not even a good one at that. We offer 10% BACK (not OFF, for the last time) on all INK, PAPER, and COPY CENTER SERVICES you use. So guess what? Even if I know you have one, but you’re only buying a candy bar, I’m still going to ask if you have one because I have to. You will get nothing back on that candy bar (same with 90% of everything you buy) but I am required to ask. Because Staples wants to keep the program free, we only give back TWO dollars on recycled ink cartridges now, instead of three dollars, I’m sorry, once again, I don’t make the rules. And NO, you don’t get that money back immediately. It comes in the form of a coupon at the end of the month. If you like Office Max and Office Depot so much better, go the fuck over there and ruin their days.

But wait, I haven’t even gotten to the best part.

Now, and for the past couple months, I’ve been an office supply associate, and THAT SHIT SUCKS EVEN WORSE. When I was a cashier, all I wanted to do was move around and actually do stuff, and now that I have that position, I just want to do NOTHING. Here’s some background information: I am a girl who is probably no taller than 5’1”. I have absolutely NO upper body strength, so when I get tired of carrying boxes and product around, I REALLY AM ACTUALLY FUCKING TIRED. I’m not faking it to get out of working, I AM TIRED AS SHIT SO GET OFF MY CASE. Now I have to help stupid customers find the shit they need, I’m the one that has to pull prices and make the cashier change them, I’m the one that has to stay after closing. Oh, yeah, and I have to do this thing called a PULL LIST every day which fucking sucks, no matter what aisle I get (thank God it’s not all of them, though). It’s where I have to go down the aisle and whenever I see an item that’s out of stock, I have to go find that shit. IT SUCKS, end of story.

Now that it’s back to school season, it’s even worse. The guy I was hired with, and that is a harder worker than any of us, left us right before it started. So I have to train two new guys and they have to learn the way around the store really fucking fast in order to keep up with the rest of us, and make this go over smoothly. It doesn’t help that one of them doesn’t listen to a thing I say. But yeah, since back to school my bosses have been on my ass about getting all this shit done, all these pallets and totes and freight in pretty much one day. Do you think I’m wonder woman or something? Why don’t you do something instead of telling others what to do?

But wait, there’s more! A couple months ago I was trained to be a copy and print associate. Now, copy center girls have their share of troubles. Yes, it is a very easy job most of the time, and you get to relax A LOT, but you will have the occasional people that come in and want specific shit done that takes a lot of time and effort to complete, and they bitch about it the whole time and then, what - we charge them 6 bucks. SIX DOLLARS can be what happens after 4 HOURS of work. It is definitely the most stressful position, but it’s only that way 25% of the time. So - one of our copy center girls is pregnant and her due date is coming up pretty soon so what does my boss offer? “Hey Sophia, we were wondering if you wanted to do copy center while Esmeralda is on pregnancy leave?” Well. I don’t want to deal with that sometimes but I sure as shit don’t want to stay in office supplies, so what the fuck am I supposed to say? I can’t remember how to do anything but make copies and laminate shit, how am I going to stay over there?

I love the people that I work with, most of them are AWESOME. But, looking at it as a whole, MY JOB FUCKING SUCKS. And I’m sure there are worst jobs out there, but, speaking as this is my first job, THIS ONE IS PRETTY BAD. I don’t get extra cash benefits because, ooohhh, I’m not a ~tech person~, I’ve never gotten Employee of the Month, while the guy that’s been here a month just got it, why? I do more work than him to keep the place running smoothly, but all my bosses care about is that he got a good “basket” with the computer he sold. Yet, who has been settling customer complaints for 11 months? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

I feel SO MUCH BETTER :D